How can i toughen up emotionally

Now as a mother, I am trying to teach my children to embrace their natural sensitivities and strong empathy they feel for the world. We have had the most success with embracing a minimalist life. Less stuff, less media except some Marie TV! Thanks for the little bit of affirmation! So glad you covered this topic today!

Thanks for serving it up the way you did, Marie! I loved this video! I try to do exactly as you say — although the example with hurting your foot, really made me realize how much I dramatize some issues… when in fact I should just feel it for 5 and then say bye!

But on that day she cries, screams, watches crappy TV, eating ice cream…and then, the next day, life goes on like nothing ever happened. At first I was skeptic about this…but then I tried it and it really works! My only issue is accepting it and actually have a grief day. And what I do, too! So no, you are not the only one! I love the idea of considering the source! As a highly sensitive person I was continually berated by a cruel and unkind mother my entire childhood and into adulthood.

Thanks for sharing, Marie. Once again spot on Marie! Knowing may win the battle, but feeling wins the war. Many Blessings, Kevin. Thanks for sharing this today Marie; it spoke to me on so many levels. It was ongoing for about 7 months and finally culminated with some really nasty false accusations being made against me.

I am having trouble moving past that situation, yet I believe that I need to forgive before I will be able to start loving my job once again. I have had a few very nasty things happen in my life. For quite a while, I tried to forgive, everyone and everything; well, everyone and everything except myself.

So maybe the place to start is to focus on putting that energy into forgiving yourself. For me, once I got good at that forgiving myself thing, I started to find I was more forgiving of others, including a male family member I thought I would NEVER forgive because of what he did to me. Like the air stewardesses say, put your own oxygen mask on first before you try to help others!

Hope this helps. I have never thought about forgiving myself. Thanks for mentioning that Deborah. I also do two more things; one, I try to remember as quickly as possible to lean into the experience and feelings, and two, also remember that feelings are not always truth, i can feel something deeply, however, it may not be an accurate or trustworthy feeling.

I sometimes instead need to use my feelings as a flag and a guide to get curious and see what is going on with me that is causing those feelings. That was Wonderful and so helpful! Thank you Marie! Add that to living right next to a very busy and loud train station, bus station, etc, and yikes, my nerves get zangled.

Yes, I said zangled. I need to solve this for myself. After much thought, I think the best solution is going to be to move out, into my own place, where I can start my day and end my night in non-zangleness! Blessings and joy!

With much gratitude!! Thank you Cathrine for such a great question and thank you Marie for answering it! The Q today sounds like it came from me. I feel as though I can either be really sensitive or tough. There is no in between. My sensitive side feels like lamb to the slaughter. Your content just keeps getting better. This article was the best yet. Very timely. It was eating me up. This helped me to see it for what it really was.

Thanks for being you Marie. So when I find myself feeling angry, upset, frustrated, etc. Thanks for sharing that! Dear Marie and team, great video this week on sensitivity. I, too am a Highly sensitve person, and for most of life this has been hard. However, I am very intuitive and feel that my sensitivity is also a gift.

My practices of writing, meditation, yoga all help me. And great shows like yours helps too! Thanks for all you do! Thanks for giving me a little perspective. You Rock! It took me a while to embrace my sensitive soul and think of it as a gift. One of the resources was reading HSP by Dr. Elaine Aron. Seeing it in the positive lens has changed my life and has empowered me to become my best self. Shared the post on my social media channels.

Thank you so much for answering this question Marie I soooooo relate to this. I love the feel for 5min then bye bye, I for sure am going to be using that one. Thank you Marie — so glad you tackled it — the world is opening up to the sensitive nature of the soul and some of us are more sensitive than others.

And its ok, actually a gift. A gift that when we embrace it — magic happens. Wonderful to see a high profile person with an amazing reach into the world create more appreciation around this gift. Thanks again, with love, Maria xx. Oh my goodness, such a great episode and so timely, after I recover emotionally after being impacted my people with narcissist tendencies over the past few days and this is coming from someone who has had lots of practice with this.

For example, spending less time with them or limiting opportunities for when they can impact on me, managing my expectations when it comes to having a dialogue with them, using our dialogue and experiences as an opportunity to learn for next time, and being my own hero when being bullied or intimidated.

Due to our age differences these people are old enough to be my grandparents and the fact that I was raised to be respectful which is a good thing!

Oh Naomi, I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. I know how horrible it can be. Thinking of you. Consider the source is one I closely follow now. A wise friend taught me that and he learned it from a cop. I also try to realize and hear what a person is actually saying vs. I often think people are criticizing me when in fact there is just a problem they are trying to solve.

Though it takes much reflection and training to really put this into action. My emotions are sooooo strong, stronger than my brain.

Oh, that is so me, Sophia. I can take things way to personally. Let me know if you figure out a magic solution other than real-life practice. I am SO sensitive and am working so hard to toughen up.

Fantastic and timely video Marie! Our Sunday meditation group was just talking about this. Of course I am sharing your video with them. So yay for your timing. But these two occasions have helped me prepare for the others, should the need arise. Bleugh, Thrown for a loop this morning in an argument about renewing the passports that was plainly a lack of communication…..

Still felt slighted a lunch time but spent an hour in that garden and nature fixed my mojo! I felt so much better for an hour of ending green things. Thanks so much for this episode, it was very timely for me!

I was able to recognize a lesson in a recent experience of my own in the answer you gave to Katherine. Love your work, thank you for sharing it with the world.

I always said God gave me too many feelings! I now know that you can build emotional muscle by mostly letting go. A hard thing to do consciously, but it can be done with practices like meditation combined with something like FasterEFT. Which is the way I did it. Also, when you first wake up before you even open your eyes imagine your self in the future where you are feeling great.

This sets you up for the day and gives clear instructions on how you want to feel. This is working for me. My husband said, whatever you are doing keep it up! Our relationship and my family interactions are now so much happier and even, heaven forbid, fun! My sensitivity has reduced dramatically, yet I am now more confident, compassionate and understanding, I am no longer in my own painful feelings.

I still have a way to go, but at least I know I am going in the right direction on the right path for a change. I hope this helps you too. Chris, thank you for your lovely share. Sometimes I listen to good music or just play my instruments for awhile until I feel better.

Thanks Marie for another excellent lesson filled with Love and Humor. My life really did shift for the better when I could take constructive advise, like from my boss, and let the nasty negativity, like from a rude person, roll right off me.

I am sensitive and compassiobate. But a huge list fe lesson came when I realized that many people lack the skills in delivering direction. So I made the decision to align myself with a company and colleagues that collaborate and support one another. Now I can learn to be better in my career which in turn allows me to be super successful and have be a pleasant empowering interaction rather than a kick in the pants. Self-care is my number one priority, and when I am grounded and well-nourished I find that I am able to observe the comments and criticism of others with more of an objective compassion rather than a fearful defensiveness.

I am also practicing recognizing that any negativity that someone directs towards me is actually just a call for love that is stemming from their own personal insecurities and fears. So I do my best to remember that they are more than this moment of asshattery, and that the most beneficial thing that I can do for both of us is to not respond back with anything but love and understanding.

Feeling what I feel first, of course, rather than stuffing it away to explode later. Another thing that has helped me greatly is shifting the way I look at being a sensitive person.

I see the world differently than most of the people around me, and by living from this place of authenticity and self-love, my sensitivity becomes a source of light and inspiration for everyone that I come across. Being sensitive allows me to be truly present with whoever I am with, to see them exactly as they are, and to truly listen to them from my heart.

As long as I have my healthy energetic boundaries in place, and am living from a place of being grounded and centered, my presence is my gift to the world. Simply by being me, I am spreading my light to the world. I am a highly sensitive person, but after getting rid of the toxic and negative people in my life, I have changed a lot.

I vent via message and she reads my emotions as they poor out in words. Now its getting to the stage that within an hour after any words or situations have come my way i get over it and move on.

It is paramount to not take things personal and its so hard not to. But I am training myself to do just that and smile. Learn to forgive so I am not bound to others in anyway, New day new opportunities and better things coming my way. Its all a learning process…can hurt and anger one but hay ho we live n learn.

I do agree that being sensitive is a gift and it should be cherished and not buried, masked or changed. This one in particular resonates with me. People that know me well see that I feel everything so strongly put my heart and soul into everything I do and take everything to heart.

Another thing that goes hand in hand with being highly sensitive is that it gives me so much insight into what other people are feeling even when they may not even realize it themselves.

This tends to make my life a daily roller coaster of emotions and something that I have had to work on constantly with my self development. Being able to step aside and evaluate those feelings and categorize which ones are valuable to me and which ones belong to someone else is one of the hardest things I have had to learn.

Watching your video today makes me realize just how far I have come with this process and given me the inspiration to embrace this side of me and use it to my advantage rather than try to squish it altogether. Thank you so much for sharing this, Kerry! So many wonderful things come as a result of sensitivity: empathy, compassion, the ability to experience life more wholesomely, and more.

Thank you so much for this one. I watch Marie TV every week but have never felt drawn to post anything — until now. Thank you again. This touched me enough to make a comment… never have before. In my work with clients, being sensitive means I can feel their stuck energy shifting and clearing, even in a Skype session. Tapping EFT is also super helpful for getting me out of a rut, even when I have to drag myself by the collar to begin.

Tuesdays are fast becoming my favorite day of the week. I am also highly sensitive and have fallen into the cycle of poor self-care so this is the exact reminder I needed to see today to get back on track to taking care of me first. My morning routine used to be to get, stretch, do some Tai Chi, and then list 10 things I am grateful for and allow myself to really fill myself up with gratitude.

I have fallen out of this routine. Time to start this again. I am super sensitive, and nature grounds me. I live in the wilderness in the Pacific Northwest, so I get a lot of grounding.

I need it with raising three kids, and being an educator, where I interact with lots of people all the time! I got thrown by an unsolicited negative comment recently at a dinner among new acquaintances. I knew they were a bit peculiar from the beginning.

Considering the source is key, I agree. Great episode Marie! Just wanted to share my techniques as well. Great advice Marie thank you. To keep my heart open and stay strong i stay present in the moment and keep my heart connected to the heart of the Earth.

Bringing in Earth energy and expressing Gratitude multiple times throughout the day I have found is a very beneficial strengthener. Also learning to understand first is Thought then comes Emotion. Intending absolute authority from a loving heart has been very powerful for me. I find living from an open heart takes Courage but i make the choice daily to live and experience life from the Love of my True Self and wouldnt have it any other way. Hi Marie…I always love your videos.

If I receive criticism, you are so right…to slow it down and think about it. It holds off that moment of discomfort and gets me through the feeling with four simple words. The best lessons can come from criticism. Thanks for a another helpful video. I especially liked the feel it to heal it.

Well well I first take this opportunity to kindly thank this show for the work they Have put together. But I thank the almighty I never fail to say anything although my Education.. I believe in GOD.. I hate giving up. Sharing ideas its lovely. Dear Marie, you are wonderful — all my admiration to you!!! I was thinking, that all the wisdom you say on your video, if we could also have a transkript on each video — I would really appreciate.

Might you always be happy and wise for the coming infinity. All the best Emota. Hi, Emota! If you check out the videos on YouTube, they have a transcript option there. We upload all the transcripts for the videos there. Perfectly timed video yet again.

I spoke with a woman who expressed interest and had me call her. We were on the phone for over an hour and she seemed really sweet and asked me to call her any time and we cracked jokes and she wanted to meet up. I sent her the script and she was happy to do a cameo. I asked if I could add her picture to my marketing materials and she was all for it. And then I noticed she unfriended me on Facebook all of a sudden weeks later.

I was taken aback. I wrote to her wondering what happened and she claimed she did not agree to anything??? I could not believe it. I wrote her a caring email and told her I was confused. She continued to be cold. Your video today helped me understanding things. Thank you so much. I have since learnt this woman has a drug history and was recently in jail and lost full custody of her daughter. Thank you, Universe for doing me a favor. Oh gosh, what a stressful and confusing situation!

Thanks for this topic. This has been a huge asset for my life coaching business as instinct plays a huge role in how I guide a client. I have practical tools, just a little help from some unknown force. Any if ice? I hear you as i too use my intuition and sensitivity to tune into peoples fields to assist them with whole body balance. I couldnt imagine anything worse than a NY subway being with all those people.

I actually had to move out of Sydney to a place 2 hours up the coast to be near the beaches, bush with clean air and peace — i absolutely adore it.

A good thing is to be able to return peoples energy back to them and the visual i have come up with for that is to a image a giant satalite dish that is a reflective mirror. I intend that any of their thoughts and their draining energy is bounced back to them. So i stay connected to my heart, connected to the Earth and just be me. If i was in a confined space like a train i would make sure i had my field pulled in closer around me and probably fill my field with gold and have maybe a purple shield and then the reflective mirror.

Somehow I have always known that Marie is sensitive lol but I have always seen it as a good thing! It took me a while to understand this though. In business school when they asked us to identify our strengths and weaknesses, I always used to put my sensitivity as a weakness but nobody cared to bother and tell me that it is not actually a weakness.

I read the preview when I opened up my email before heading into work and thought this would be a great before bed treat to end my day. I believed it but now I have confirmation. This session as I call them inspires me to want to uncurl myself from that miserable ball and face every challenge dealt to me and grow my well of sensitivity because it is indeed a gift and a rare powerful force in this universe.

I can so relate to everything you shared here. However my job is high stress as I am a Cashier in a grocery store. I go to work an hour early to read or meditate to calm me. I ask for help when I need it, mostly. I receive emails all the time. I usually overlook non-business emails.

Today was different! All I can say is thank you, thank you, and thank you! This video, needless to say, was a sign to an unspoken question for the universe! This episode is great! Just in time to stop me starting world war Z with my neighbors over a fence.

A fence? But you stopped it! So thank you! Oh I heart this vid and wisdom- thank you Marie. I am a sensitive soul and it has and still does cause me some issues.. Lastly, having these traits has enabled me to help others with the same and to look at how to use them wisely.

I shall also share forward your wonderful smarten up tips thank you! Awesome insight! I, too, am a highly sensitive person. This practice helps me quickly feel better and move on. Writing is such a great cathartic practice. This is just a reminder pl. I loved your advice, esp the one not to feel it in your head… jst from the heart.

Prolonged suffering only comes from the head! Dear Marie, this video seems so apt and well-timed for me! Being in the throes of negative energy at work, emanating especially from one person, I now am going to take your tips. Most importantly, I am going to stop looking up social media first thing in the morning.

Thank You marie! Telling a highly sensitive person to toughen up is like telling sugar not to be sweet. For those who don't understand the deeply rooted inherent trait of sensitivity, "toughen up" is considered a piece of helpful advice to adjust a mere personality quirk, not an entire identity overhaul, which is how many of us highly sensitives take it.

My boyfriend and I have a saying -- he's the head, I'm the heart. We balance each other out. Being the rational, logical mind in the relationship, he recognizes the importance of our balance and knows there's only room for one dominant head in the relationship, not two. But even still, there are times when I'm hurt and he tells me to toughen up. Gifted with the empathic ability to sense other people's emotions and underlying intentions, I not only sense his masculine need to protect me from hurt, I feel his pain and helplessness of not being able to protect me from emotional hurt.

He can physically shield me from a knife coming at my chest, but he can't shield me from a knife cutting my heart from the inside. It's ironic that his words directed at me could easily be turned back against him. Underneath his motive to save me from getting hurt lies a deeper desire to help me toughen up so he doesn't have to feel the pain of seeing me in pain, and worse, not being able to stop it.

Once I truly understood the psychological underpinnings behind the well-worn advice, I found compassion for those who told me to toughen up. Now, instead of cringing because I think they're trying to change who I am, I can see it for what it truly is, an attempt at pain avoidance and a well-intentioned though misplaced piece of advice.

Nothing more. Being highly sensitive, your brain is hardwired to consider things from multiple angles. The best offense is a good defense. One of the biggest ways you can build resilience to the things that come your way is to manage your expectations.

If you have poorly managed expectations, you'll run into more surprises, which can make you feel out of control. Lack of control can lower your morale and weaken your mental fortitude. Flexibility and the ability to adapt to situations are key components to laying the groundwork for strong mental resolve. Christine M. Riordan at Forbes explains how a leader with flexibility can stay mentally strong , but the same can be said for anyone:.

Game-ready leaders have the ability to absorb the unexpected and remain supple and non-defensive. They maintain humor even when the situation becomes tough. If something isn't going well or doesn't turn out as expected, they remain flexible in their approach and look for new ways to solve the problem.

Just like a quarterback faced with a broken play, a leader may have to decide quickly on a different way to get the ball down the field. You should not only roll with the punches, but think about how you can take a swing. You cannot control everything that comes your way, but you are in absolute control of how you react to it.

Take a look at situations from the outside and try to see a different perspective. It's hard to see the true causes of events when your vision is clouded with immediate emotional responses. Wait five minutes to respond to something when you have the time.

Or pretend like you're giving advice to yourself when searching for a solution. We tend to immediately overreact to something, even if we don't completely understand it yet. Comprehend and understand the pieces first, then put things together and react. Doing this over time will help you adjust your expectations to a realistic level. You can also keep realistic expectations by defining them. Surprises may come more often than we like, but you can be better prepared for them by articulating what you specifically think might happen.

Getting your hopes up or banking on mere possibilities in a situation puts holes in your armor right from the get-go. When a problem arises, take some time to ask yourself what outcomes you think are truly possible. Do this even before you look for solutions, and write them down if you'd like.

I still need prompts but feel stronger everyday. Good article. Instead of just shutting my door and driving away or telling him to go on, I tried to debate him and he simply yelled over me. Is this wrong? I would add differentiating problems from inconvenience. That way energy is not wasted but only in the important things that need to be addressed. Jon, I had a tough week. What helped even out the rough patches is your second step: absorb it.

After taking a deep breath, I listened to the feedback I received and decided not to react, but just hear what my team needed to share with me. The result? In the end, when we allow ourselves to put down our fists and open our ears progress becomes much more possible. You share with us important insights, Jon. You always seem to lead by example, and this is just another proof point.

I appreciate your insights and all that you do. I hope that we have an opportunity to meet at some point. Always good to meet a farm kid! It is a great way to be brought up, and I wish my sons would have had the same opportunity, at least to have spent the summers working on a farm. It is about getting up and doing the work. A simple yet powerful to live life! Thanks for your comment and insights! When I read the everyday news I am constantly reminded of the craven and terrible capacity of mankind, but these words in practice give us and our Maker pause, and reason to believe in the nobility of human spirit and achievement… Erik New Plymouth, NZ.

Thank, Erik, for your comment and reflection. The human spirit is incredible, and I also grab hold of those words spoken by Theodore Roosevelt. I spent part of my work career in Washington, DC, and I would frequently visit Theodore Roosevelt Island and read those words and others. It was always a source of inspiration. Thanks again for your comment and time. Dan, Thanks for your comment.

I was surprised by your lead in! However, mistakes should not be viewed as an end but as a beginning to learn from them.

Moving forward, coupled with learning, keeps us all growing. Thanks again for your comment and insights! Love how you provide philosophical context and then practical hands-on suggestions for dealing with specific obstacles that we all face at one point or another.